I'm Just So Tired

Nude female portrait painted in watercolor

"I use to be ashamed of this body, my small mosquito bite breasts, my flat bum, a fatty bit at the bottom of my stomach & my flat nose. I’ve never felt sexy. I’ve never felt desired. I’ve always been put down by society for not being feminine enough and not being a “classically beautiful woman”.


I’ve abused this body and mind. I’ve punched things, I drink too much, I’ve done things with people who did not respect me, I’ve let people in who did not deserve to be in my head, I’ve hurt myself for things other people have done to me. I'm not proud of what I’ve done to this body and how it’s affected those around me.

I struggle with feeling sexy. I struggle with feeling desired. I struggle with being out of control. I struggle with being in control. I struggle most days.

I am learning to accept myself, I am learning to care for myself, I am trying.

I’m just, so tired."

ESPAÑOL:

"Solía estar avergonzada de este cuerpo, mis pequeños pechos de mosquito, mis nalgas planas, los gorditos en mi vientre y mi nariz plana. Nunca me he sentido sexy, nunca me he sentido deseada. La sociedad siempre me ha pordebajeado por no ser lo suficientemente femenina y por no ser “estereotípicamente una mujer hermosa”

He abusado mi cuerpo y mente. He golpeado cosas, he bebido mucho, he hecho cosas con gente que no me respetaba, he dejado personas que no se lo merecían dentro de mi cabeza, me he herido por lo que otras personas han hecho por mí. No estoy orgullosa de lo que he hecho a mi cuerpo y como esto ha afectado a las personas a mi alrededor

Yo batallo con sentirme sensual. Lucho con sentirme deseada. Lucho con estar en control. Lucho por estar en control. Casi todos los días es una lucha.

Estoy aprendiendo a aceptarme, a aprender a cuidarme a mí misma – lo estoy intentado.

Solo que estoy, cansada."

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